Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I have become happy with me

There is this process that I've recognized in myself (and I think others go through it too). It used to happen when I went to school and then came home to be home schooled: I went from every moment of my life being dictated to having discretionary time.

After filling my life with minutia and tasks that I think "have to" be done (such as decorating again) and feeling hopeless. . . I then realize that my time is my own; I choose to be happy. I think about what I really want in life. I do what I love. And I am happy just being me; no outward applause, just content.

The process of having no job and only one class in the life of Alyssa Holbrook:
Though I can choose what to do each moment the things I love suddenly don't have meaning. For me I wonder what's the purpose of doing my beautiful paintings if no one else will enjoy them?
Then I began to clean and organize and decorate but spending money isn't all that fun (so yes, I'm returning all the new pillows I bought).
Then I began to see that I didn't have to make a forever long to-do list; I can fill my time with anything I like! So I read rich dad poor dad books and 7 habits of highly effective people. I realized that my time was my own and I could choose to do anything as long as it made me happy. I FOUND HAPPINESS in being home; in NOT achieving a long-term outwardly aplaudable goal.

I filled my time with the things I love and find joy in.

I thought about what I really want to do in life.

And I found that I really love being busy, the feeling of accomplishment, and I cook meals for the whole week all at once anyway.

Its like the Lord wanted me to appreciate freedom and to become happy at home.

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